Religion and I have gone round and round forever. — I’m a Christian, but I’m not a good one. My mother-in-law said this to me once, and I had to think about it for a while. What did she mean? In my eyes, she’s a good one. A great one. She works at her church. She probably dedicates 50% or…

You smell PHENOMENAL!! What is that perfume? — Smells can be so powerful. They sometimes bring back the most wonderful memories. You catch a hint of vanilla and are reminded of a long-gone grandparent. Or a random whiff of cedar takes you back to a childhood cabin trip. One of my favorite memories involves the smell of the…

They can feel the grapes, apples, and broccolis snickering and pointing. — Mr. Ed Sundae, Mr. Simon Cool, and Mr. Harry Goodbun walk into a bar and sit on uncomfortable stools next to each other. The bartender walks up smiling and asks for their drink orders. 🍌Mr. Sundae: I’ll have a beer, please. 🌭Mr. Goodbun: A gin and tonic for me, thanks. …

Singin’ this’ll be the day that I die. — February 3, 1959 The Day the Music Died You probably know the song by Don McLean. This day, 64 years ago, the world lost a trio of amazing artists. One of them was just 17 years old. Most people have heard the song but have never heard the story. That is incredibly sad to me. At a young…

Clearing your mind of that jank ass story idea you had — Fellow readers and writers, I need your help. My drafts folder grows larger each day with would have been stories, potential duds I can’t make myself erase, and perhaps a few gems. I will share five of my drafts with you, and I’m asking you to vote on which one…

I feel something tonight. Younger. Hotter. — I’m alone at a two-person table, sitting on an unsteady bar chair. I always get the unsteady ones. I’m casually leaning back with my legs open just a bit because that’s how I fucking like to sit. Crossing legs is for the kind of girl that I will never be…

The ride of a lifetime — Today is a chill day. I plan on reading, watching the Bills, and making homemade pizza. Maybe I’ll even squeeze in a nap. But let me back up a few hours. I awoke on this frosty Sunday morning, downed a massive mug of delicious coffee, and did a few neck…

It would be cool if my booty hole would just suck it in — I fought a hairy battle, and I won. I have a big ass. Alone, this isn’t an issue. In the shower, it’s a massive problem. I shed so much hair I’m not sure how there’s any left on my head. …

But I’m going to sex it up a little — New year new challenges ammmiiiriiight? These questions are actually pretty fun, and I’m going to give them my own little spin. If you know me, and you don’t like my spins, go ahead and hit the back button and read about how Jason Provencio is the next Christian author. Wait…