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How to Get an Ok Lay in May

Do Tinder and Bumble and Dumble leave you feeling ill?

That’s what she said. Photo by Tracey Hocking on Unsplash

Are you single and looking for your next decent romp?

Do Tinder and Bumble and Dumble leave you feeling a little ill?

Have you grown tired of reading boring bios and realizing everyone is a liar?

I’ve got you.

Actually, everyone is a liar; I can’t fix that. But I can help you with the rest of it.

Stop paying $999/month for those online dating subscriptions that lead you to absolutely nothing. Quit going to the park or the bookstore with dreams of Prince Charming or Princess BigBooty sweeping you off your feet. I’m here to tell you that shit just doesn’t happen.

This isn’t You’ve Got Mail.

This is Everything Blows and Ya Gotta Make the Best of it, OK?

I can take you from masturbating twice a day (once while crying), to decent-ish one-night stands.

So, hey, dumbass, are you ready to be more direct and get shit done?

Top ways to get a decent lay:

1. Send a mass email to your coworkers discreetly…