Sex stuff because when all else fails talk about sex

How to Get an Ok Lay in May

Do Tinder and Bumble and Dumble leave you feeling ill?

Ginger Cook
4 min readMay 1, 2023

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That’s what she said. Photo by Tracey Hocking on Unsplash

Are you single and looking for your next decent romp?

Do Tinder and Bumble and Dumble leave you feeling a little ill?

Have you grown tired of reading boring bios and realizing everyone is a liar?

I’ve got you.

Actually, everyone is a liar; I can’t fix that. But I can help you with the rest of it.

Stop paying $999/month for those online dating subscriptions that lead you to absolutely nothing. Quit going to the park or the bookstore with dreams of Prince Charming or Princess BigBooty sweeping you off your feet. I’m here to tell you that shit just doesn’t happen.

This isn’t You’ve Got Mail.

This is Everything Blows and Ya Gotta Make the Best of it, OK?

I can take you from masturbating twice a day (once while crying), to decent-ish one-night stands.

So, hey, dumbass, are you ready to be more direct and get shit done?

Top ways to get a decent lay:

  1. Send a mass email to your coworkers discreetly looking for other sexy singles. I’ll even help you write it (for free)!!
  2. Dear pleasant coworkers, Happy Monday! I hope to have a great month full of sucSEX, and if you do too, please meet me at the bar on 5th Street tonight or any night! I’m not pLAYing around, I need a good ROMPer, and I need someone to help me out with that. Hit me up if you want to offer the contents of your head.

You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.

❤ Sincerely,

Your coworker

2. Get a gym membership. If you still think the gym is for working out, get a life. Dudes, you all make the mistake of wearing tight shorts. No. Wear your loose shorts so your balls touch the floor as you spread your legs on whatever equipment you can. Chics love saggy balls, and we want to see how close to the floor they can drop. It makes us drool.

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Ginger Cook

All the funny things please, they keep me from severe depression. If you like Pearl Jam and peanut butter, we might be soul mates.