Sex humor

Who Ate all the Pussy?

Photo by Nick Fewings on Unsplash

It wasn’t me, man. I can tell you that.

Years ago — as many of you already know — I began to wonder if I genuinely enjoyed dick, or if I just liked it because I was supposed to.

I can tell you with confidence — I DO LIKE DAT DICK.

But in my various conversations with friends about also liking vagina, I was told that by the time you’re thirty-ish, the other semi lesbians or sort-of-bi chics would start coming around. The curious ones. Or even the full-on lesbians. That’s cool too.

I’m forty fuckin two, brother, and I have yet to meet any of ‘em.

I was promised a sexy blonde would be knocking at my door, looking for my clit.

I was told to hold on, be patient, because carpet munching was in my future.

Boobs would be everywhere. Bouncing.

Nips for me to suck on.

Round asses.

Legs in the air with my head between them, and the other way around.

Flat out lies, man. Lies.

I’ve not seen a nipple in fourteen years.